he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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