I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
