well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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