After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
