If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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