You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
