HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
