The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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