She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
