When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Your cock deserves a montage
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
