you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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