Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
