My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
