I wannas sexs uuuuu
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
