I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
