I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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