Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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