TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
