Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
