just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
