Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
