you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
