You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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