I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
