News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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