yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
