I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I faked an abortion last night.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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