thus making me awesome and them whores
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
