If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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