If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
