If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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