can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
