She announced her abortion via fbk
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
