I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
