dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
