i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
