well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
