they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
