I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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