im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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