If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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