I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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