haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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