Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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