I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
