I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
