just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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