haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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