i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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