So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
