god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
