I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
