Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
As shirtless as possible
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
