Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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