My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
