check it out our google latitudes are spooning
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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